Today Isn't The Present

I woke up with a heavy heart—a boulder on my chest. I pulled the blanket over my face and sank deeper into the bed, and questioned if I really needed to wake up. Can I skip today? Why isn't that ever an option? I am sure tomorrow will be better. The next year, even more so. If only I could skip today and fast forward life to when it is better.

Often, days feel like a burden. The gut-wrenching pain of going past such a day is unbearable. The conventional wisdom doesn't help either. Seize the day. Make the most out of it. I wish I could, but life doesn't always allow that. Some days just suck.

At such times, I imagine someone writing a book based on my life—a biography of sorts. They know my life in such detail that it creeps me out. However, books have page limits. So, the author decides to fit an entire week of my life on one page. Or, optimised more, each month is on one page. Maybe even an entire year on one page.

My birth and my proudest achievements are a mere pages away. The social anxiety I feel every moment is a one-word verb before the boldest decisions I take. My family and closest friends keep getting mentioned page after page. The worries and the fears don't get many mentions. The tears from a rejection or the annoyance over a ruined jacket are not even a full sentence. Today, the day I am so worried about, might not even make it.

I've been so focused on seizing the present day that I forgot that I am also living the present week and the present year. Those makeup as much of my present as today does. So, I tell myself, and so should you, to care less about the sentences and cherish the pages of the book because today isn't the present. Not the only one, at least.

Inspired by Tim Urban, I built My Life in Weeks. It maps my life in weeks. You can build your own "life in week calendar" here.